dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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