Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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