I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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