Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
