she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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