So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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