as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just pee around me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
