I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
