How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
