im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
COCAINE IS GR8
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
