I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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