When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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