how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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