i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
