So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
