I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I party with great urgency now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
