Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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