I wish i was in the wii world.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I touched a dick in church today
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize