hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You are the jesus of drinking
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
