At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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