if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
