btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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