Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
