I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
