I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish I only lived at night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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