I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
