when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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