Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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