so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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