so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I supernannyed him into submission
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
