so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
