So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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