a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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