It's like God shit irony all over that family
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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