So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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