I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
