Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
