You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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