just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
