Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
