i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
