Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
