If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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