Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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