The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Boobs speak an international language.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
