The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
