He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
