Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
