just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
