her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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