They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!