well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.