I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?