She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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