we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.