Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.