Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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