So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
