Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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