i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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