i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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