it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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