I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
