New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
