pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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