I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
