why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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