Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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