I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
