Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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