You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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