she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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